Sharing About Your Children’s Lives Online is Called Sharenting

The benefits of sharenting for parents are easy to pinpoint. Parents feel good when they talk about their children. They can receive support and advice from other parents, share important news to their friends and family, document the milestones of their children, and, for some, even obtain economic benefits (Google search ‘mumtrepreneurs’) (Calado et al., 2022; Latipah et al., 2020). For children, the benefits are not so clear, but several negative consequences are worth considering.

Consent

The first issue that comes to mind is consent. Do parents ask for consent? If they intend to do so, are children able to express it? Once consent has been given, can we be sure children understand the matter fully to give informed consent for their personal information to be shared? The power imbalance between children and parents makes this a delicate issue – parents must ask themselves if children are merely being obedient, or they truly are fine with their life being shared. Research shows that parents usually do not ask for consent (Bhroin et al., 2021), while children believe they should be asked for consent regardless of whether the information about them is positive or negative (Sarkadi et al., 2020). Generally, children feel uncomfortable when their parents engage in sharenting and many report that their parents do not respect their privacy online (Levy, 2017).

Asking children for consent and considering potential consequences of sharenting is a good opportunity to teach children how one should protect themselves on the Internet and how to demand that others respect their boundaries. Sharing information without consent is a form of breaching personal boundaries, and setting boundaries is a very important skill for children to learn early on in life. Because parents serve as role models and have a big influence on the socialization process of their children, they must be mindful of the behaviors they model, including when they are online.

While many parents do not consider privacy when it comes to posting about their children (Marasly et al., 2017; Wagner & Cashe, 2018), some choose to not post any information at all or even to engage in anti-sharenting, for example by covering their children’s faces with emojis in pictures (Autenrich, 2018). Although this is not the only way to not expose children too much online, it helps simplify the challenging decisions parents need to make when their children are too young to express consent and understand what can happen with their information out in the open. 

The Right to Be Forgotten

Should parents never post a picture of their child or never mention them on the Internet? No, but respecting a child’s privacy is important. Avoiding oversharing and disclosing sensitive information is easier said than done – most parents are not fully aware of the privacy risks they take on behalf of their children, which include identity fraud, bullying and loss of employment opportunities later (Haley, 2020, Keith & Steinberg, 2017). At the same time, parents have the right to express themselves and some of the things they want to say are about their children (Macenaite, 2017). To reach a balance between parent’s freedom of expression and children’s right to privacy, the right to be forgotten comes into play. This right is part of the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) in the European Union and it gives the right to individuals to erase or alter information which they do not want to be associated with such that this data does not influence the current image of the person. In light of this right, the GDPR states that children can request the removal of information that affects their reputation (ICO, n.d.; Wolford, 2023). Still, once information becomes available on the internet it is difficult to control what happens to it, and very hard to completely erase it.

The phenomenon of sharenting shows that some parents do not apply the same boundaries when it comes to disclosing information about their children, compared to disclosing information about other individuals in their lives. As Sarkadi and colleagues (2020) point out, there is a discrepancy between what children and parents define as private, making parents feel comfortable in sharing information without children’s approval. Moreover, parents might get carried away when posting online and disclose more than appropriate, especially because they feel the pressure to portray themselves as parents on their profiles (Siibak & Tarks, 2019).

In a study by Marasli and colleagues (2016), parents believed they only shared limited information about their children and only on special occasions. In reality, they shared more information than they thought, and it included more mundane situations. This shows that parents do not realise the extent to which they might violate the privacy of their children. Perhaps reducing double standards when it comes to sharing one’s children’s information could help draw the line between what is a harmless post and what is not. Before posting anything, parents could ask themselves if they would share the same things about their partners or, even better, would want it to be shared about themselves – if not, these things should remain private.

Identity

Creating an online presence for children, even with positive intentions, can sometimes have negative effects on their development. When parents share personal details about their children online, it can lead others to form impressions that may not be accurate. This can put pressure on children to meet certain expectations, such as excelling academically or having certain “desired” hobbies (e.g. a child who reads or plays violin). Social media often selectively showcases the positive aspects of life, like ideal vacations and great jobs, but it is important that children do not become part of this list. Bragging about your children’s achievements can hurt other children as well by creating unrealistic standards of success and promoting a culture of competition between children and amongst parents. In a similar vein, sharing negative information without context can have unexpected consequences. For instance, in some Facebook groups parents discuss the challenges they face with their children. It is not hard to identify these children and label them based on what is said by their parents. Even if their issues are resolved, this information can persist online and shape others’ perceptions of them. Negative information sticks around and is hard to forget. It is possible to both ask for help in online communities while also protecting children by anonymising stories and ensuring parents’ own names are not linked to them.

Another problem is that posting on behalf of children conflicts with their need for autonomy and self-determination, which involves exercising control over various aspects of their lives. Children’s identities are developing and it is important that they have a say in how they are perceived by the world. Children should be the ones who decide how to define themselves. When parents portray their children on the internet, it may unintentionally lead the child to question their true selves and whether they have the freedom to fully embrace their genuine identities. Part of feeling good in one’s skin is a sense of personal agency – that is why it is better to let children tell us who they are.

Many parents feel proud about their children and express it on social media. However, excess praise has been shown to have negative consequences on children. When something is shared online, the exposure and response one gets can easily become over the top. Excessive praise, especially based on achievements, has been associated with undesirable effects such as discouraging children to take on challenges (Brummelman, 2014) and making them feel depressed (Lee at al., 2016). In addition, excessive praise from parents has been associated in general with lower self-esteem, and with narcissistic tendencies in children who already have high levels of self-esteem (Brummelman et al., 2017).

Conclusion

Depending on the content and on how often parents “sharent”, there can be negative consequences of posting about children’s lives online. Without having bad intentions, parents can lose sight of the downsides of putting personal information on the internet. In many cases, parents may be motivated by various goals: they may want to portray themselves as loving and involved parents, share the joys of raising a child with friends and family, or be in urgent need for advice and support. In the process of pursuing these objectives, parents may inadvertently overlook the importance of respecting their

children’s privacy. To prevent this from happening, parents should first consider asking for consent. Second, they should test their posts by asking themselves a series of critical questions. Would I post this if it were about my partner? Would my children find it alright if this post would be stuck forever on the Internet? What would other children and parents feel about this post?

Sharenting is not about posting once or twice a picture of your children – but about an unrestrained habit of disclosing information about them. This habit might create or already stem from a certain frame of mind when it comes to children – one where parents have supreme authority over children, making it hard to treat them as equals when it comes to privacy. It therefore falls under a bigger discussion about society’s attitude about the young and their freedoms, so I will end this article with a quote about children’s right to be their own person and to be respected, part of which can also be found on one of our university’s walls, on the Roeterseiland Campus:

“Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.”

(Kahlil Gibran – On Children)