Identity Fractures: The Impact of Manipulation on Morality and Self-Perception

Humans have long been fascinated by the darker aspects of the human psyche, and history demonstrates how we have the capacity for committing callous acts. With the rise of psychological interest in human malevolence, the Dark Triad—comprising narcissism, psychopathy, and machiavellianism—has been conceptualised (Harrison et al., 2016). A common thread among these constructs is their association with manipulation. Manipulation involves the intentional use of tactics to influence others, often with a disregard for their well-being (Espelage et al., 2018). While much is known about the types of manipulation and their effects on the recipients, less is understood about the impact of such tactics on the manipulator itself. How does engaging in manipulative behaviour affect an individual’s perception of their morality and reality? And further, how does it link to self-delusion and the self-concept?

“And to the degree that the individual maintains a show before others that he himself does not believe, he can come to experience a special kind of alienation from self and a special kind of wariness of others.”

― Erving Goffman, The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life

In his article, personality psychologist Dan P. McAdams (2013) discusses the configuration of the psychological self and its segmentation into the roles of actor and author (the role of the agent is outside the score of this article). The main difference between the mentioned roles is that the actor is anchored in the present, focusing on the performance of roles and traits, while the author strives to integrate life’s experiences into a meaningful story that spans across time. 

The actor emerges in childhood (McAdamas, 2013). By searching for connection, we learn how to, especially how not to treat others. We learn traits and skills based on other’s feedback, so then we can self-categorise based on them (Bem, 1972). We want to perform ourselves adequately, to make our audience immersed in the part, even if it may not align with our inner belief. This aligns with Goffman’s (2022) concept of performance, which oscillates between cynical (i.e., lacking inward belief) and sincere (i.e., immersed in conviction). These shifts depend on the degree to which one begins a performance believing  their staged reality is authentic, and then gradually becoming immersed in it. However, this transition often requires little self-delusion, or the process by which an individual convinces themselves, consciously or unconsciously, that their performed role or staged reality is authentic, even if it initially contradicts their inner beliefs. This reflects the fluidity of identity (Goffman, 2022). The process of performing a role—whether initially sincere or cynical—can lead an individual to reconstruct their sense of self to align with the demands of their performance. This illustrates the interplay between external expectations and internalized beliefs in social interactions.

This suggests that a manipulator, initially performing cynically to adopt the role of a moral person (and thus manipulating others), may eventually internalize the performance to the point where they genuinely begin to believe in the sincerity of their own act. For instance, a salesperson might initially fake enthusiasm about a product but gradually internalize this enthusiasm through constant repetition of their pitch.

This dynamic reflects the self as an actor’s drive for social acceptance and status (Goffman, 2022). Drawing from Actor-Network Theory (Latour, 2008), the manipulator navigates a network of societal norms, expectations, and interpersonal dynamics, which shape and reinforce their role. These networks not only dictate how the manipulator performs but also facilitate the disconnection from the reality of their actions by continuously reinforcing the idealized self which they project.

If one is putting on a sincere performance but then receives negative feedback during a moment where they’re being manipulative, cognitive dissonance (Festinger, 1957) could manifest as one’s behaviour does not align with their beliefs. Instead of critically looking at their behaviour, the manipulator could instead double down on the image they forged for themselves as to cope with the dissonance. This may lead the self as actor to want to detach from the self as the manipulator, idealising the public performance (meeting social expectations) while at the same time rejecting being malevolent in private (Goffman, 2022, p. 24-32). Therefore, a sort of confusion and conflation can occur, whereas private acts are similarly seen as the good public acts, the performer becoming more immersed. As the manipulative behavior conflicts with the ‘good person’ ideal, the individual may experience identity diffusion (Isenhardt et al., 2021), where their internal sense of self becomes entangled with external projections. This merging of self-perception with external validation deepens their immersion in the role, making it harder to distinguish between their true self and the idealized performance. In maintaining their performance, they may simultaneously see themselves as good and be judged as good by others, becoming disconnected from the reality of their actions. 

The author emerges later in life, where one is concerned with forming a cohesive life-narrative (McAdams, 2013). This is summarised in the concept of narrative identity where all self stories are internalised, as meaning is searched through them (McAdams, 2013). Narrative identity has the facet of narrative continuity, which is concerned with interpreting meaning from experiences, especially negative ones, as one is looking for ways of redeeming themselves (McAdams, 2013). The author is in search of self-continuity, where the self is constant across time and space (Sedikides et al., 2022; McAdams, 2013). Complications arise when there is a disruption in the concepts of narrative continuity and self-continuity: One experiences disruptions in their self-image, which leads to identity crisis. This crisis triggers self-serving cognitive distortions, which rationalize manipulative behaviors, allowing individuals to maintain a coherent self-narrative that aligns with societal expectations, even while their actions contradict this narrative (Grieve & Panebianco, 2012). Additionally, these distortions can aid moral disengagement, where one distances themselves from ethical behaviour and becomes convinced that the unethical standards of behaviour are justified. In this way, deviant behaviours can be mainted (Bandura, 1991). Ultimately, the interplay between narrative identity, cognitive distortions, and moral disengagement highlights how individuals can become disconnected from the reality of their actions, reinforcing harmful manipulative behaviours while preserving an illusory sense of self-coherence. Manipulation then allows individuals to rationalise harmful actions while preserving a favourable self-image, while at the same time not only perpetuating moral disengagement but also undermining the integrity of one’s self-concept, creating a fractured identity and a disconnection from reality.

Overall, manipulative behaviour profoundly affects an individual’s perception of morality and reality by fostering self-serving cognitive distortions and moral disengagement. These mechanisms enable manipulators to justify harmful actions while maintaining a favourable self-image, often leading to a detachment from their true behaviours. Over time, the tension between their public performance as a “good person” and private manipulative actions can result in identity diffusion and self-delusion. Ultimately, manipulation not only disrupts the coherence of the self but also fosters a fractured identity that can lead to profound disconnection from reality, potentially influencing the manipulator’s moral self-perception and also their relationships with others.

Disclaimer!

• Cases of manipulation and abuse are common in domestic settings. If you or someone you know is unsafe, call: 0800-2000 (Dutch national hotline Veilig Thuis, free of charge, available 24/7)