Isn’t it true that we feel most alive and happy when we push ourselves, giving ourselves the chance to stumble into new sources of meaning, excitement, and passion? Unfortunately, though, we’re wired for comfort. Staying in our comfort zone keeps us safe. No one wants to feel like Bambi taking his first wobbly steps-weak, inept, like he could fall over at any time. No one wants to feel exposed to an audience of underwhelmed peers who stare back blankly. We want to feel competent, confident, and proud. Like we know what we’re doing and we’re doing it well.
But that’s not usually how it works when we’re just starting out. Whether it’s in relationships, academics, hobbies, or jobs, entering unfamiliar territory can feel daunting. When you know nothing, every step feels insignificant, and you look up to see an uphill battle that is very, very steep. Every action can feel absolutely exhausting, punishing, like taking a beating.
Lately, these feelings have been all too familiar. Countless times, it’s brought me to tears. On one of those teary nights, in an attempt to restore my wavered confidence, I turned to Google, describing my emotional state in the search bar. Inside a rabbit hole I encountered a lot of talk about a ‘growth mindset.’ This term refers to people who believe that they can triumph through anything, however challenging, if they maintain grit and resilience. It’s a phrase we often see in job postings, self-help books, and LinkedIn pep talks. No wonder its meaning has become diluted—I assumed, of course, that I had a “growth mindset” (just like I believed I could work in a “fast-paced environment”). But it turns out that it’s not just fluff.
Having a growth mindset isn’t just nodding along to the idea of learning from mistakes. It requires us to walk directly into discomfort and humiliation, with our backs upright. Someone with a growth mindset doesn’t entertain thoughts like “maybe calculus just isn’t for me.” As you can see, it takes a tremendous amount of willpower and a long series of scary commitments, made again and again, all in the face of failure.
In the months that have passed since that night, I’ve realized that the narrative that one has either a ‘growth mindset’ or a ‘fixed mindset’ is utterly flawed. It’s a myth that you either have or don’t have a mindset. We’re all capable of developing a growth mindset. Think about those of us who moved out—God only knows how much inedible food we’ve chucked down the bin. Yet, don’t we now go back home and show off our cooking to our families? Or those of us who play instruments—weren’t we ‘born with stiff muscles’ until those awkward chords finally, finally clicked? Each try was frustrating, uncomfortable, and humbling, but each was an investment.
It’s terrifying, yes, but it’s precisely the things that matter most to us that we’re afraid to fail at. And the more we fail, the more we invest. Because, in those moments of failure, we truly discover what we’re capable of. The discomfort we fear today is the strength we’ll celebrate tomorrow. That’s what I’ve come to understand: growth isn’t about perfection or instant success or finding out what you’re naturally good at. It’s not about avoiding failure—about embracing it as the powerful force that propels us forward. Growth doesn’t happen in the absence of failure; it happens because of it.
Isn’t it true that we feel most alive and happy when we push ourselves, giving ourselves the chance to stumble into new sources of meaning, excitement, and passion? Unfortunately, though, we’re wired for comfort. Staying in our comfort zone keeps us safe. No one wants to feel like Bambi taking his first wobbly steps-weak, inept, like he could fall over at any time. No one wants to feel exposed to an audience of underwhelmed peers who stare back blankly. We want to feel competent, confident, and proud. Like we know what we’re doing and we’re doing it well.
But that’s not usually how it works when we’re just starting out. Whether it’s in relationships, academics, hobbies, or jobs, entering unfamiliar territory can feel daunting. When you know nothing, every step feels insignificant, and you look up to see an uphill battle that is very, very steep. Every action can feel absolutely exhausting, punishing, like taking a beating.
Lately, these feelings have been all too familiar. Countless times, it’s brought me to tears. On one of those teary nights, in an attempt to restore my wavered confidence, I turned to Google, describing my emotional state in the search bar. Inside a rabbit hole I encountered a lot of talk about a ‘growth mindset.’ This term refers to people who believe that they can triumph through anything, however challenging, if they maintain grit and resilience. It’s a phrase we often see in job postings, self-help books, and LinkedIn pep talks. No wonder its meaning has become diluted—I assumed, of course, that I had a “growth mindset” (just like I believed I could work in a “fast-paced environment”). But it turns out that it’s not just fluff.
Having a growth mindset isn’t just nodding along to the idea of learning from mistakes. It requires us to walk directly into discomfort and humiliation, with our backs upright. Someone with a growth mindset doesn’t entertain thoughts like “maybe calculus just isn’t for me.” As you can see, it takes a tremendous amount of willpower and a long series of scary commitments, made again and again, all in the face of failure.
In the months that have passed since that night, I’ve realized that the narrative that one has either a ‘growth mindset’ or a ‘fixed mindset’ is utterly flawed. It’s a myth that you either have or don’t have a mindset. We’re all capable of developing a growth mindset. Think about those of us who moved out—God only knows how much inedible food we’ve chucked down the bin. Yet, don’t we now go back home and show off our cooking to our families? Or those of us who play instruments—weren’t we ‘born with stiff muscles’ until those awkward chords finally, finally clicked? Each try was frustrating, uncomfortable, and humbling, but each was an investment.
It’s terrifying, yes, but it’s precisely the things that matter most to us that we’re afraid to fail at. And the more we fail, the more we invest. Because, in those moments of failure, we truly discover what we’re capable of. The discomfort we fear today is the strength we’ll celebrate tomorrow. That’s what I’ve come to understand: growth isn’t about perfection or instant success or finding out what you’re naturally good at. It’s not about avoiding failure—about embracing it as the powerful force that propels us forward. Growth doesn’t happen in the absence of failure; it happens because of it.
